Daily Star Campus
Sunday 10 May 2009
Lead Article:
Asrar Chowdhury's Piece on Mother's Day
URL: http://www.thedailystar.net/campus/2009/05/02/camspotlight.htm
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This story is the story of all Mothers. May the Heavens Bless all Mothers. Happy Mother's Day.
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“Half of what I say is meaningless
But I say it just to reach you”
- John Lennon for his Mother, Julia Lennon, 1968
It was Saturday, the 17th day of February 2007. The Muezzin had just called the faithful for the Asr prayers. The sun shone mildly through the window of the ambulance. The road from the hospital to our house was free. It took less than five minutes to reach home. Within this time I saw my whole life flash before my eyes.
I am a caesarean baby. In those days the mother had to go through a general anaesthesia. Soon after my birth, Amma had a very high fever that almost took her life. She won the battle. I will live all my life with the guilt that I was responsible for that high fever and the ensuing physical pains Amma suffered for the rest of her life. In my teens I once tried to say sorry. Amma put her finger to my lips. “At least I have you and your sister”.
I am Amma's first born. And I was very much spoiled. Every time I did a mischief, I knew it was Amma who would be the oasis in the desert, my 'shelter from the storm' to protect me from Abba. The condition for amnesty was simple. Always have the courage to admit to what you are doing. This has remained with me all my life. I may be a good storyteller, but I am a terrible liar!
Soon after my sister was born, Amma gave up her career. My wife did the same many years later for our daughter, Annapurna. It is only now that I appreciate how powerful a mother can be. We men can acknowledge only, but cannot replicate the sacrifice a mother can make for her children and family. Amma was one notch ahead. For the entire time my father studied in Wales, UK, Amma was the breadwinner of our family. Throughout the week, my sister and I would wake up not seeing Amma. Abba would wake us up. Prepare breakfast and walk us to school. And bring us back home again. Abba would prepare food and we would eat and watch playschool and all those other children's programmes on good old BBC.
Pandemonium would break loose the moment the bell rang. My sister and I would run to open the door and see who could touch Amma first. I would run to grab a smell of Amma from her blue raincoat. And without failure, Amma would have sweets for us. Mars bar, Snickers, a box of Smarties, Quality Streets and what not would be the toast of the afternoon snacks. Many years later my sister and I found out Amma would sometimes forsake her tea and biscuits to buy our chocolates!
After we returned to Bangladesh, life went on like any other family. Amma was now at home most of the times. Abba was busy at the university with his career that took him from one echelon to the next. My sister and I slowly passed each grade at school, college and finally university. Our golden time as a single unit in Aberystwyth, UK, was 'gone with the wind' forever!
'Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans'. It was not until the next generation came along that I finally found time for Amma again. Ankoor, my sister's son, and Annapurna, my daughter, filled up our house marking the dawn of a new beginning. Ankoor and Annapurna became the centre of Amma's universe. The apples of her two eyes. Alas! 'To make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from'!
The first day of January 2007 was Qurbani Eid. The following day was Annapurna's first birthday. We put off the birthday party till 26th January. Amma really wanted to see the first birthday of her Apun just as much as the first birthday party of her Bhaiyun a few years earlier. A few days before the birthday party, Annapurna was playing on Amma's bed. Amma looked at Annapurna and smiled saying “I don't have the good fortune to see this child grow up”. I laughed.
We always saw Amma fight one sickness after another with her energetic laughter that was the hallmark of our house.
On 30th January Amma went to a hospital for a routine check up. The day was 3rd February. The doctors advised her not to talk. She was having breathing problems. She was wearing an oxygen mask. Amma took off her mask when I entered and asked me what Annapurna doing. She then told me to take care of Abba and Annapurna and put her mask back on. We exchanged glances. Amma was smiling as if she was at peace. Amma called me. I went. She took my hand and kissed it with her oxygen mask on. And then she took her mask off and said with a smiling invitation. “I've kissed you. I have nothing more to ask. I got everything I could have ever asked for”. YES. I, Amma's first born, was the fortunate one to have received Amma's final blessings. I, who came to this world and was almost responsible for Amma's death!
The hospital never called us when they put Amma on a ventilator the next day. We never got to know what Amma's final wishes were. Fortunately, Aziza Chachi knew. My sister and Ankoor were lucky to find Amma still breathing when they came from Canada. By the morning of 17th February it was evident Amma's fight with septicaemia and acute respiratory distress syndrome was nearing its end. At 3:30pm, Abba and I went to the hospital. I sensed there was not much time left. I approached Amma's bed. Amma was in a coma. It was now or never to say what I always wanted to all my life.
“Amma, it's been more than a pleasure having you in our midst. In the last two weeks because of you we've realised how much people love us. Amma, I don't know if you'll hear all this. From this moment our fates are sealed. You've entered our hearts forever”. Less than five minutes later, Amma was no longer 'living in the material world'. Her Spirit and Soul went to a much better place.
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An old lady once came to Lord Buddha. Her grandchild had died. She wanted Lord Buddha to bring the child back to life. The Buddha asked the lady to take some sand in her hand and bring back fire from a house that had not experienced death. The old lady never returned. Death is the only inevitability in life. But then. People do live on after their deaths. They live in the Spirit of their Souls. “Half of what [I’ve said was] meaningless, but I [said] it just to reach you [Benu]”. To reach for your pure Soul.
Happy Mother’s Day. May the Heavens Bless All Mothers!
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Disclaimer:
1. The last paragraph and the initial quotes are not in the print edition.
2. Facebook has a limit of tagging 30 persons per note. Sorry if your name is not in this note.
Asrar Chowdhury
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